Dear Mary Jane

Hello Mary Jane. I’m a new fan to your advice column, but I love it! I think I’m in need of your “blunt” advice. Can you help me out?

My son’s 18-year-old girlfriend came to live with us a couple years ago. She had graduated high school, and her mom lived in another state. She and my son both had several false starts at community college together, and worked at a series of jobs that they kept losing for not showing up for work. It was frustrating to me to have two kids with low motivation. Since she was not my child, and was over 18, I didn’t feel comfortable assigning chores or giving her advice or asking personal questions, so my son was the mediator. I think I saw her as more of a houseguest or a roommate. We have a congenial, respectful relationship. But the fact is, she, like my son, is very immature and impulsive, and was operating without any kind of guidance from a parent type figure. As it happened, she and my son broke up after a few months. She has nowhere else to stay, so she is still living with us. It’s been awkward — my son has been the one to convey messages from me to her, and back, and I just now figured out they are broken up. I actually had to guess, and then ask them both directly. What should I do now? I don’t want to leave her on the street, but I just can’t keep this up. Help!

Okay, at what point are you going to realize that you’re the adult, not a child? You keep babying her, she’ll end up running you into the ground. Balls up and kick her out. She’ll come crawling back with a good attitude I promise you that. My mom only told us once to do something, if we didn’t get it right that first time we could rely on the fact that our shit was in black trash bags in the driveway waiting for us to move out. Shit, by the time I graduated high school, I lived out of those black trash bags! My mom loved kicking me out to prove her points! This girl’s really lucky that she still gets to bum it on your couch with no consequences, but obviously she really needs a tough love beat down. Since you allowed her to stay in your house, knowing her history, you now have to be the tough love that she needs. However, you said she has no more ties to your family, no more obligations to living in your house. So if she’s not contributing love and companionship for your son, she needs to be contributing money and help for your bills and your household. You’re just her landlord now, act like it. Where’s mah rent, bitch!

dearmjane@gmail.com