Dear Mary Jane

this guy i sorda have had a thing for is sorda friends with one of my friends and like most girls i talk to her about him. well i finally got up enough nerve to write him and tell him i liked him ( i know so third grade but i’m shy). and he wrote me back and said he wanted to date me-but he already asked my friend to prom lets call her jane. he asked me not to be mad. i will admit i am kind of bumming because i really wanted him to ask me and i don’t trust jane she has screwed me over more times than i can count so needless to say we aren’t as close as we used to be. i can’t tell him not to take her but i really don’t want him to and to make matters worse she is already saying crap. and i am worried that they might start drinknig and get carried away. despite the fact he swore he wouldn’t but he is easily swayed. i tried to tell jane i don’t trust her and i will severly hurt her if she tries anything, because we just got into a huge fight a while ago about this other guy i was sorda talking to and she decided she just wanted him so she had him…. but what should i do? i really don’t want them to go but i can’t be a mean person about this. this is totally stressing me out.

Girl, you need to act fast! This ho betta not take your man!! You need to get him to go out with you right after prom. I’m talking THAT NIGHT! Tell him, you don’t care if he goes with jane, but that you do care what he does after prom, which should be you. He’ll get the hint, girl, believe me! If he’s easily swayed then sway him on the idea of spending prom night with you. Boys only go to prom for the after-prom specials and everyone knows that! Jane seems like a greedy slut and she obviously could give a two shits about you so beat her at her own muthafuckin game. Go buy a bottle of tequila and some lingerie and set up a place to chill after prom. Then tell your man (not in a letter, with your own words because you need to seductively persuade him) what the plan is and how he should play along if he wants his prom night to end without jane’s stds. Don’t be shy or jane WILL win. And fuck jane! She deserves to be left in your dust and ditched by her date on prom night. And you deserve your man so play dirty, baby!

dearmjane@gmail.com