Dear Mary Jane

As a child I was always insecure with the way I looked. I was naturally underweight and was made fun of very often, especially through those awful ‘middleschool’ years lol. Called names like anorexic, bulemic, toothpick, stick, gross, bony…just stuff that does a great job of tearing someone’s self-esteem apart. I also use to be EXTREMELY shy - I had my close small circle of friends, but it was hard for me to get to know new people. Well…now I’m about to be a senior in highschool and I’m pretty secure with the way I look - considering I’ve worked on gaining some weight! Just the last two years I’ve become a lot more social…it took a while for it to happen, but I am now and becoming more everyday. I’ve got friends and like the way I look, so thats no problem. The problem is that since I’ve had such a late start becoming able to open up to others, I’ve never had a boyfriend. In the past two months i’ve had two chances w/ two guys that i’ve REALLY liked for a while and i let them pass me by! One goes to my church and I’ve secretly liked him for about two yrs i guess. The other was new at my school last yr and i liked him a lot, and then i ended up working at the same place he does now. Im so tired of doing this to myself - and im ready to open up - im just not very good at it at first - there are a few guys ive clicked w/ automatically, but not many, b/c i wont allow myself to. im just too paranoid i guess. The guy i work with who i had a chance w/ wont even talk to me anymore - i guess i pissed him off…. the other from church still talks to me, and i think he might still be interested, so I need to make a move - huh? Yeah i think so too..

It took me a while to open up to guys and all through high school it was really hard to get passed the friend stage with guys I crushed on. But as you grow up and experience more to life and guys, you’ll be able to weed out your bad habits. You say you’re tired of doing this to yourself, but you need to make a conscious effort to change. From what I read, sounds like your paranoid negativity caused the falling out with your crushes. And that’s all you girl. You need to step up and overcome your insecurities. You need some self confidence, is what you need and there is no real prescription for that. So before you turn to online dating, try loosening up and just being yourself around guys. Over thinking and over talking is the quickest way out of a guys heart so know when to shut up and just go with the flow. You need to reflect on yourself for a little bit before you try jumping into a relationship. Being totally confident, secure, and in love with yourself is the biggest challenge in life, but gives the most rewards. Think about what you can do to become more secure and confident in yourself and you’ll see the atmosphere around you change as well.

dearmjane@gmail.com